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Feral Sophistry for Your Reading Pleasure

Philosophizing with wolves since 1981

10/25/07 11:14 pm - How Can You Have Any Pudding if You Don't Eat Your Meat?!

I have a plan... It involves yet another trite attempt at the continual writing thing, though likely NOT everyday; possibly [bi]weekly (it depends if you all behave yourselves and/or my booze intake).  

9/13/07 03:50 pm - Murder in the Negligent Degree

I'll be brief... or attempt to at least.
  • Yes I am a slacker for not posting here at all in the past 9 days. My new schedule isn't very forgiving to my creative juices that only seem to awaken after dusk.
  • Not that I really must announce this, but I feel that my daily posting "experiment" is over. I feel it was a success while it lasted (about 6 months :o), but for now, I'm no longer going to sit down and force up vomitous ramblings for there own sake.
  • I will still be posting stuffs whenever the hell I feel like; more than likely on my myspace blog. Don't know where it is? Use the link! That's what it's there for! Bookmark it if you have to... just don't come cryin to me because you have no idea what's goin on in my life when the information is on public display.
  • Why am I doing this?
  1. See top bullet point.
  2. Myspace tends to illicit more feedback and participation. I'm not sure if that is because more people read stuff there, or if the comment system on LJ blows. Either way, I like feedback (it reminds me I'm not talking to a void).
  3. I'm holding out for my own domain
  • I am by no means killing off this site... just the frequency of postings. I expect once or twice a month an update will be written.

9/4/07 02:47 pm - The Monkeys Ate the Barrel

At this very moment I'm in a microscopic submersible somewhere in your disgusting belly attached to your arm control nerve. Let the fun begin...
  • After a rekindled romance with my inner dork (which is unsurprisingly much like my outer dork, except compounded with heaps of shame), I've went ahead and furthered the abuse of my employee benefits by renting out books on String Theory, Norse Mythology, and Dresden. Of course I realize that I am preemptively straggling my sex-life with a Garrote of Nerdiness +2, but I'm fairly certain there is atonement I can perform later on to fix that pesky issue.
  • The unwritten rules that I learned, forgot (or ignored), and learned again:
    1. Don't over-play your hand
    2. Never show your cards
    3. Know when to fold
    4. You can still lose with a lucky draw
    5. It is, in essence, a game of bluffing
  • VHS is extinct! Stop complaining that no one sells it and buy a damn DVD player!
  • CJ 2.0 is officially in the works. Based on empirical research and customer feedback, it has been brought to our attention that the 1.0 version was frustrating to use and had a tendency to give people head-aches. Version 2.0 promises to be more accessible and we have removed key elements from the initial programming that others found obnoxious, such as: honesty.exe, estranged.jpg, and gofuckurself.txt.. But like most user friendly updates, there will be a 66% loss of functionality and general increase in wasted time.
  • There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
  • Fin Aid apparently found it outside their good graces to bequeath me with any help this school semester. This sits unwell with me as my goal for no-more-retail has been slowed, or I have to option of shelling out nearly $2k for two courses at community college. Seeing as though I am about $2k short of the second requirement, I must hope working in a book store slows the atrophy of my brain enough to last me till next semester.
  • The genetic difference between you and I is roughly 1%. Coincidently that is roughly the same percentage difference between humans and apes. That is almost enough justification for me to throw feces at passersby and masturbate in public.
Don't argue with me fool human. I control your arms

8/31/07 11:27 pm - The Torrid Cult of Weasels

Not even 11:30 and I'm having to resort to some interesting Argento-esc methods of keeping my eyes open. Is that excusable... ever? I am so ashamed of myself...

8/30/07 07:56 pm - The Slap Machine

I'm officially opening my services to those who wish to be eligible for for America's brand new Cyborg and Bionics Department.

Eyes : Fully articulated and the complete customization for lens and filters available for current cameras. Yes, this includes the "X-ray" filter the Japanese accidentally stumbled upon 8 years ago while trying to develop the "night-eye" filter... and oh yeah, that's available to.

Arms : Want holy-fuck strength without the pesky years of tiresome iron pumping? Try the new rocket fueled arm with 21 points of articulation. Just don't go trying to lift any cars until you get your spine and shoulders reinforced, otherwise it could get messy.

Legs : Bad guys blew off your legs while you were in the porta-potty reading your "Dear John" letter? No problem! With this new upgrade you can give back some righteous vengeance with some literal metal up the ass.

Wet-wiring : Bioethicist can kiss your ass. As humans we invent to improve our quality of living and ourselves. Who are they to say that strapping your brain up with more wires than hay in a bird nest is going to upset their dear and fluffy Lord for taking over his job? Go for it; and while you're at it, get the USB integration deal, for a limited time only: pron on the go is the only way to go.

So what services will I be available for you ask?

*Sharpens ax*

"Meat removal."

8/27/07 03:33 pm - Yet Another First Day

Work:
It was still dark as I careened down Rt-50 this morning. There are only few reasons I can imagine people being awake at such an ungodly hour:
  • Avoiding the law
  • Escaping possible death
  • Driving to (or driving away from just having) sex
  • Or planning a trip to Disney World
I think the first two reasons accurately describe my state of mind on the highway, as the sun began to rise behind my shoulders. At first I didn't really notice, but it soon became quite obvious as I was passing by the Annapolis mall in a red blur after only being in the car for 5 minutes, that my car was easily pushing 95mph (rough translation 40 fucking mph over the speed limit). Frantically I found my foot instinctually reach for the brake pedal as my eyes darted back and forth scanning for Naptown's finest. It wasn't until I slowed to little more than 80mph that it became obvious why I hadn't noticed my perilous speed beforehand; there wasn't a car in sight that going slower than 90mph. Relieved at my  escaped legal infraction, I soon found myself being "that asshat" that clogs the works in what would otherwise be a smoothly flowing system. In fact, I have no doubt that I was the initial cause for this mornings traffic. You know what I mean... when that one piece of road that seems to going 20mph slower than the rest of the trip, yet there are no on or off ramps within miles... yeah, that was my fault this morning. I don't feel so bad though; it's always gonna be somebody.
   

8/22/07 11:38 pm - Pragmatic Instability

    Still more of the same nonsense. If this is boring you, perhaps you should return next week, by which time I should have exhausted the subject beyond even my own liking.
.:

8/22/07 12:18 am - Revival's End [The Linky Post]

    Hell mutha fuckin shit yea!!! Internets you bastards!!! Swallow my grand wireless connectivity and choke on it's bones!!! I am pleased and surprised to how quickly I was able to get finally get an updated Google Desktop. So first of all... before you all continue reading, I suggest you get your shit caught up on the previous two Revival posts: 1 & 2. Go ahead... I'll wait...

...
...

    Okay, so first off, despite the fact I said I would go back through and edit the posts; I didn't, and it should be obvious. I couldn't recall anything that was edit-worthy and even if there was, the internet returned to me far sooner than I anticipated (stealing my allocated editing time). Secondly, I am aware they were posted on the site in reverse order. It was intentional because there was no possible way any of you sodomites would have been able to read the first post before I uploaded the second. This way they are in the correct order in which they will be seen, unless I have some readers that obsessively over zealous with the scroll wheel. Lastly, who killed Bambi?

    I have some important news items before I continue with the subject at hand:
  • White Wolf has amazingly sold out and published their World of Darkness in d20... which is awesome. The book is $50 (and my wallet cries) and is just in time for D&D V3.5 to become obsolete making way for the behemoth V4.0.
  • The entire Borders team at the store in which I am training is convinced that I should be raped by methed-out tapirs for landing a retail gig without having to work weekends; and I quote, "Who the fuck did you blow for that job?!" For the record, I blew no one... I am just that awesome (and I will be paying for my off weekends with oh-my-god-it's-too-fucking-early mornings and having to go to bed before midnight 40 years before I should need to).
  • I have decided on my next purchase (food withstanding), although I'm pretty sure I will be waiting to buy this until I've saved up a couple months worth of surplus in order to do so.
  • I am debating [again] moving my blog to another site. If any of you have any suggestions on an easily customizable and a more open comment system, please let me know.

8/22/07 12:13 am - Revival Part 1

    So, here I am, finally clattering away back at my own keyboard... and yet I lose at life for I still have no intarweb. Now is about the many of you are like, “Haha, you fucker, you can’t pull the wool over my eyes. You can’t be posting a blog without the internets.” While this is true, many of you will be reading this days, maybe even weeks after I’ve actually typed this. Why for am I doing this? Well, essentially because I’ve been rather negligent with my updates as of recently, and possibly even worse by the time this post sees the bright, blinding light of the thousands of millions of computers everywhere around the world rejoicing at my triumphant return. Because of this negligence, my guilt has pistol whipped me into doing something as utterly lame, anti-social, and dorky as pre-blogging posts, so 1) I can keep myself typing and “in practice” as it were and 2) force feed the lot of you with senseless meanderings at once, increasing my chances of accomplishing Goal #35: Induce mass brain hemorrhages around the globe. Another reason I’ve decided to use this tactic updating my site weeks before the public gets a gander at the nonsense is that it allows me the wonderful ability to edit ad infinitum, and seeing as how much of my own brain is mush from the insistent churning of thoughts, some self-censoring and post-production may be necessary.

8/22/07 12:08 am - Revival Part 2

    This no internet thing is the pits. The ironic thing is that I DO have a wireless USB thingamado that supposed will allow me to receive access from the router piping steaming hot world wide wubs to my housemate’s computer in the next room... except I need internet access in order to download the drivers to get the damned thing to work since the accompanying software disks are no doubt being utilized as sleds by the various rodents inhabiting the local landfill. It recently become nigh refutable how necessary being connected, not only as an escape from boredom, but also to my very livelihood. 100% of my financial bullshits are handled remotely, and upcoming this Monday, the 27th of August, my two internet classes kick into gear. This also doesn’t include the various levels of communication I [attempt to] maintain with people; a cell phone just doesn’t seem to cut it.

    Okay, that’s my “Wahmbulance for me” bitching for now. Expect more on the horizon until this apparent issue becomes resolved. For now, onto the matter at hand... you’d better get your Wahnd-aids ready;

8/18/07 05:57 pm - Kayak

If my love for my new job were a pillow case full of door knobs, it'd have enough weight and heft to kill an ox in a single blow to the mid-section. Borders = Sam Goody  - bullshit corporate initiatives + books + decent foreign film section +eclectic variety of music (not just Top 40). That plus the fact that I have weekends off TOO... ahhh just the thought of it makes my nethers tingle. 

The grand move has finally been completed as of this morning. All of my Swedish, particle board furniture has been assembled, although it is becoming painfully obvious that I have far too much media to be able to store it in my room as is. So, if any of you sodomites have a 300 gB harddrive just lying around so I don't have to worry about lugging case loads of DVDs around with me to each house, then let me know. Only one issue though... no internets >.< So far, I've had to catch a computer when I can, and drown myself in it's global connectivity goodness. Although it hasn't been an issue yet, I suspect unless my current situation changes in the near future, you may find me on the street corner carrying a sign reading "Will perform sexual favors for WiFi"

There are also many thoughts a brewin' that I don't think I'll be able to get into at this time, as most of them are still quiet untactfully playing jump rope with my neurons or are cracked out on sugar cereals and taking flying leaps against the walls of my skull. Either way, I must wait till they calm themselves down and I can final make some damned sense out of the mess they're leaving. But to be completely honest it's probably not any different than the egotistical whiny bullshit I tend to spout on a bi-monthly basis, yet needs to be said all the same.

Till then...

8/13/07 09:59 am - Summer Hose Whipping

    Today is the day everything gets turned around. I start at my new job in roughly 2 hours from now, then afterwards I'll be off to buy all my furniture for my new room (IKEA whore FTW). All I've got to say is it's about goddamn time. After almost an entire summer of waffling and meandering about trying to figure out what to do, I finally feel like I'm getting my shit straight; so go me!

    To celebrate... kinda... I managed to spend the entire day in Baltimore on Saturday with Yar. We took the Light Rail from Hampden to Inner Harbor and walked around Fell's Point, which I hadn't been to in years. Unfortunately, neither of us realized that Boston decided to relocate to Inner Harbor this weekend, so she and I spent most of our time literally swimming through a sea of navy blue and red [sox]. Although it did occur to me that it might possibly be absolute comedy to saunter up to the nearest Irsih Pub, yell out "Boston Sucks!!!", then go terrorassing down Pratt followed by a mob of enraged Sox fans (all the while yar capturing the event's hilarity on her digital camera), I decided against it. Though the weather was milder than it had been recently, the heat still encouraged a level of  torpidity that no amount of hydration could combat. I did reluctantly escape a crunked night that night as I did have to return to Annapolis for an early morning, finishing up the last touches on my room. (Sorry guys, but you better bet your ass I'll be there next time). 

    Of course with all this good shit that I seem to have landed in, i can't help but feel something else is going to sneak up and bite me in the ass. I know it's me just being paranoid and i should knock it off; I'm fully content that I can handle whatever is stalking me in the bushes. But part of me feels that I should somehow prepare for the worst, otherwise I'll only have myself to blame if and when this thing decides to blindside me. Till then though... I rock!

8/12/07 05:39 pm - Dangling Liability

    " so, wait... you're asking me to what exactly?"
    "Feed it, walk it, make sure it doesn't die in the process; all else other than that, I could care less where it does its business, although I'm pretty sure you'd prefer he do that outside.
    "Constance, I don't have time for that." I looked down at her brand new puppy sitting contently at her heels, "Besides, I can't guarantee that little runt will survive, even if it's just a week."
    Constance gave him that look of you are full of shit and I know it and I'm fully aware that this look I'm giving you is one of the two things in the entire world that make you feel guilty so you will do as I ask or I won't stop, "Oh please! Like the ever important Mr. Hobbes has anything more important to do than sit back and clatter away at his little keyboard or conduct his 'cultural research'; which we both know amounts to little more than surfing the net for hours on end." Her lips purse a bit as she allows the corner of her eyes to soften. "Please, help me out here. I don't trust anyone enough to take care of him while I'm gone."
    Damn it, she pulled the trust card. "One week. That's it. Anymore than that and I may debate adding canine to my menu."
    "Aw, come on, Lu; it's just a little puppy. How bad can it be?"
    "It breathes air, don't it? That's already two strikes against it. All I'm saying is this little shit-machine better mind its step while it's a guest in my house. I catch a hint of urine stench and he goes in the blender."
    "You'd have to clean the stench of your own urine, liquor, and rotting food first before you could notice. To be honest I just hope Sartre doesn't catch anything incurable while he's here."
    "Sartre?! That's his name?" Are you kidding me? Now I'm sure he can't stay."
    Her brow furrowed, "What's wrong with Sartre? It's a classy name."
    "First of all, it's not a classy name: it's pretentious. Second of all, that's an American Bulldog." I glared as the dog stooped over to the edge of the bushes and relieved himself. "Puppy or not, I highly doubt a dog like that will ever grow into a name like Sartre."
    "Even if it affords you the ability to make bad jokes about how full of shit they both are?" Constance giggled at her own cleverness. Damn if she didn't know how to hit all my buttons, though I'm pretty sure she had no idea how cute I think she is when she laughs.
    "Ha fucking ha." I smiled, "Fine, the little bastard can stay."
    Her face lit up like a bulb as she jumped up to give me a hug. "Thanks, Lu!" Damn it, damn it, damn it. As much as I can appreciate a hug from one of the only people I can actually tolerate (or can tolerate me; personally I've found little difference),  there is no describing the mess of conflicting should's and should not's playing pinball with my brain, stomach, and balls every time she touches me.

.:

8/11/07 10:07 am - I Broke My Protractor

62 years and 2 days ago we glassed 200,000 Japanese people into oblivion. Do you think they hold a memorial like we do to 9/11?

8/10/07 09:13 am - Networked Cacophony

After three and a half weeks of deliberation, trial-and-error, and good ol' fashioned elbow grease, things are finally coming together. I will be moving into my new... errr... old digs this weekend, thus releasing me from the talons of my parent's house, AND I've managed to con[vince] someone to hire me. Well, two people actually... I guess when it rains, it pours.

Both jobs are Mon-Fri, and both pay enough that I can actually afford to have a life (which rocks). 1) I can work construction: remodelling houses for a company owned by one of my parents nieghbors that I used to sit their three boys when I was in high school. I know some of you are confused by this prospect of C.J. babysitting something that continued to live or remained un-traumatized after I was done. All I have to say in response is that I'm sorry I can't always live up to my reputation. I also know many of you are like "C.J.? Construction? WTF?!". Yeah, well... you can't deny that it pays well, and you also can't argue with a set schedule. Plus it beats being stuck behind a desk 40 hours a week.

Job #2 is working in the Borders in Bowie as an Inventory Supervisor. First of all... w00t Borders!!! Yet... b00 Bowie. Also, the hours are 6am-2pm. So... I get to kill myself trying to drive to work every weekday in my sleep, but at the same time... Borders, w00t!! Plus the job puts me there 3 hours before ANY customers arrive AND I get to spend nearly all of my time in the backroom. Aside from the hellish morning adjustment, I'm pretty much getting all the benefits of retail (aka discount, laid back environment, 'interesting' co-workers) without the major stresses (customers, sales goals, unpredictable schedule).

So, don't expect any rage-driven rants for a while... unless something happens to my curent situation...
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